To a family or community. I have never heard that before. However, my bf told me that yesterday when I called him to let him know that someone else died that we knew. My mom husband’s brother was killed on Sunday. The week before my boyfriend uncle’s wife died.

I looked it up online and found this, “ It’s a strange thing to say, but when something terrible happens like that, you can almost expect over a short time that these waves of death can come a few times. Almost to make sure you get the point.” source

I am wondering whether it’s my time to grieve because I hadn’t even been able to enjoy anything that I have accomplished in the past weeks. Hopefully there has to be a calming because this is hurting so much. Maybe this will humanize me because I’ve simply been coasting with life lately. Just working, reaching goals and moving on… Still my ultimate goal involved my family, getting them in a central location, now this…

I am heading to St. Croix tomorrow. I really thought that I would only be two weeks but sadly the funeral can’t be held soon. There’s a carnival going on in St. Thomas and it’s prolonging the funeral (I don’t get why!). However, if you are familiar with the island, everything runs slowly (yes including the airlines :-/)

I’ve been keeping myself busy up until today trying not to think too much of it. I spoke to my mom again today and she reminded me that Gilbert wouldn’t really want anything extravagant or people going out of their way to pay so much for his funeral. It’s true, he wasn’t materialistic, we are very alike in that way.

I am currently packing. I was pissy all day. I can’t help it. I am sure so many people went through this before. I watched the news today and heard all the other people losing people over violence. (WHY ARE PEOPLE ALLOWED TO HAVE F’IN GUNS!)

I almost flipped out on a person at the pharmacy today. I couldn’t even get a prescription refilled by the phone. The woman placed me on hold for 1/2 hour the second time that I called, after she hung up on me the first time. I called back and she placed the receiver on the desk while I heard the background at the pharmacy. So, I called again and told her it wasn’t fair that I’m only trying to get things done before I leave tomorrow for a funeral and she is hanging up on me without telling me why. I still wasn’t able to have it refilled because it would be 3 days before the insurance can pay for it again, I don’t know why she hadn’t just told me that before. I felt bad for getting angry but I am not sure if she was deliberately not answering the phone. -_-. I have to find someway to get it in st. croix… should be interesting.

Yesterday I cleaned my entire house, today I made a bag – I did everything to keep busy. I think I am going to be screaming on st. Croix, I will definitely feel it more. He’s not coming back. Gilbert isn’t coming back. What the hell am I going to do on St. Croix 🙁 to ease the pain.