… and I never asked to be. You see, I absolutely do not follow the crowd. I follow the beat of a different drum. I choose to be this way because it makes me what I am, an individual. I think a lot of us are losing that.

I’ve never fancied following others (you can ask everyone from my college). It truly helped me become who I am today.

When my friend told me that my entries made her able to help others cope with their loss I felt really touch. Let’s call her Dee, so Dee works at a funeral home so she sees people who mourns for their loved ones. She mentioned that I am good role model. It’s mainly because I seem to be handling Gilbert’s death well. The sad thing is, I don’t think I am. I miss my brother every single day. I try to find him in things that I do. I miss him so much but I think his spirit is with me.

I have been very lucky to have a strong exterior. Believe me, the gym has had a great deal to do with it. I found out recently that there’s history of diabetes and high blood pressure in my family. I’ve been fortunate to keep exercise and diet in my life so hopefully that decreases the risk. Exercise has also helped me dealt with all the negativity in my life. Especially those in the past months.

When my brother died, there’s nothing more that I wanted to do but scream and knew I’d probably feel like getting lost into depression. However, I went to the gym a lot that week and just pushed it to my max, until I wanted to throw up, I think people are beginning to think I’m obsessed.

I’ve attacked a great deal of my life’s mishaps that way. I realized that so many problems aren’t worth worrying over. They seem not much of a priority anymore if you take control.