Growing apart. Everything’s temporary.

Now and then I’d like to write little bits about my personal life or just life in general. Here’s one that made me come up with the title “Growing Apart. Every-thing’s Temporary.” It was actually influenced by a podcast that I heard from This American Life this morning.

Firstly (that’s a word), nothing in life is permanent. Are you thinking of how precious time is? I suppose that’s why I’m always moving. I’m always grasping things in moments, things of value to me like friendship, family, time that I try to maximize through laughter, connections, smelling the roses now and then, and moving on. I try new things just once -or twice even.

The thing is, I can write a story or a great memory of everyone I have met — well ok some might be bad, but haven’t you ever thought of how much you might influence someone? How often do we say to ourselves: I will catch up with you later or I will hang out with them tomorrow? How about putting into practice that, “tomorrow is not promised today?” We all know this but that doesn’t prevent us from hustling and bustling but not making most of our lives.

Some things were bothering me lately like people I hung out with. I forgot all about the lessons I’ve learned from my elders about “drinking friends.” I forgot that people can be temporary.

What are “Drinking Friends” or “Drinking Buddies?”
Well this term seemed to have been coined while I was at college and it still applies to my life as is. Drinking friends are friends who are with you at the bar drinking (sometimes sharing the tab or not) but you might have different fields at school. Your commonality is actually just drinking, you have no other hobbies or passions that might be similar unless you involve a flask, a shot glass or a bottle of liquor. These friends might slowly fade as time goes by because 1. You got too busy at school 2. One or both of you grew apart because you realized that drinking is expensive or stupid or it could be that 3. Your focus changed. It’s also possible that all 3 are the reasons behind absence of either party.

I have began to realize this from the few friends that I have had lately. I have also notice that it might apply to other relationships in my life as well. Even with family and partners …

Everything is temporary. I have been living with this at the back of my mind ever since my brother died. I am more cautious with disputes, more acceptable of differences, more generous with compliments, and more loving of life and appreciative of my blessings.

With people I have been friends with, I realize that there are gaps… Sometimes bursts of time where I do not hang out. For example my lifestyle changed to be more focused at my career and health. I am more of a workaholic so I do most of my fraternizing at the agency and online since I have full access to social media. This could be bad but it works because there are coworkers who share my passion for running and friends that I still meet for events.

It’s interesting seeing all these patterns.

For example, months ago I was hanging with a crowd of single ladies who would frequent bars and clubs. That was our escape, searching for the right partner or boyfriend (There’s nothing like being Single and Sexy in the City). I also realized distance from my married peers who have shifted over to become more fond of their husband or focus on planning their future with children. When I think of whether we’d hang again someday I can truly say I don’t know. I’m not sure how to find that commonality again. Do we pick up right away? It’s possible that we were frenemies?

What are frenemies?

A person who is ostensibly friendly or collegial with someone but who is actually antagonistic or competitive.

Leave it to me being naive to think that everyone is set out to do good and encourage me any time that I try something new. That isn’t true at all. That is a rule that we should be aware of: Not every one’s there to see you succeed. Some people are actually around to see how far you can help them reach in their lives and leave. I know that’s shocking and if I brought you to some sudden epiphany that’s negative right now, then I certainly apologize but such is life. Life isn’t often kind.

It’s actually quite sad as women.

We see it from childhood as girls, we are very friendly with each other while a guy isn’t involved. Then we stop hanging out once a boyfriend is found. We are quick to replenish a wilted friendship once the relationship whithers away. How often is this past time promised?

Then I thought of measurements. Measurements in friendship. You may affect some one’s life more than you know. A great deal of people send me messages or call me or try to chat via IMs. I will be honest, sometimes I wonder why they do so. Not because I don’t value their conversations but it might be the casual way they address me. I am not close to everyone. Then, I look upon my life – I feel like some of my friendships had more weight. However, those people may not see me the same.

From now on, I figured I will treat everyone the same and enjoy these temporary friendships that we have. Temporary because everything ends. I’m thankful for everyone I meet and the great memories we make. Hopefully these that we have right now can grow and those in the future stay longer.

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My name is Jerlyn Thomas. I own this blog and you can read more about me here. The views expressed on this site are by me and do not reflect those of my employer or my clients. The content here belongs to me and my guest contributors. Views and opinions expressed by all contributors belong to them and not me, the blog owner. All data and information provided on this site is for informational purposes only. I make no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information on this site and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its display or use. All information is provided on an as-is basis. If you want to use content on your own site, you must ask permission first before you do so under these restrictions.

5 thoughts on “Growing apart. Everything’s temporary.

  1. Vandy

    Deep thoughts J…you are right. People move on, agendas change and so things will be temporary because people are always thinking and changing plans. Sometimes people forget…indeed life is temporary so make the best with what you have, your family and yourself :).

    Reply

  2. Seth C. Burgess

    Good reflecting. As a married 25-yr. old my wife and I both see some of our core group of friends from high school & college less, however we do still enjoy each other as much as ever when we do get together.

    I think for me, it might be a separation of time and space, yet the friendship is still there. I can see one of my closest friends or cousins today, then the next time 2 or 3 years from now, and to me it feels as if one day has passed. I think it’s a matter of keeping open to communication and having a “big picture” mindset.

    Then again, I’m a guy–and my wife sometimes argues that it’s different between girlfriends.

    Reply

  3. Jerlyn

    @Vandy, it’s true agendas do change. I can see this alot even with mine. @Seth your wife is right it’s different with girlfriends. It’s always difficult finding that one close friend with girls and stay committed with no competition. That’s why most women have male friends but even that becomes tricky with hidden agendas.

    Reply

  4. Johanna

    Interesting topic… And hard one, especially when u evolve and change n others dont always change with u. could go into deeper thoughts about this but im gonna leave it at that, plus say im very happy n fortunate to have u as my friend. many blessings to u!

    Reply

  5. Julian

    This was a good read that opened my eyes too something… I must be too care free, because I just started thinking about who my frenemies are, and am quite surprised that I never took the time to think about it….Ok care free again 😀

    I certainly agree with the topic of equality…well till they lower their standards in your eyes anyway, but … according to this entry…just chalk it up as another lesson learned.

    Lastly (hey there was a Firstly :-p) I would have to agree with Seth. By keeping an open mindset on distance and communication you keep your friends over longer periods of time. Now I have say I’m glad you’re my friend and I never once regretted it…OK maybe once…twice…yeah I never regretted it 😀

    Reply

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