I’m by no means a writer. I envy those who write. Actually, let me rephrase: I envy those who write well. There’s nothing quite like being pulled into a book of preconceived thoughts and communicating clearly with the reader. Getting those thoughts out of your head and having others “get it.” Thoughts that fester in your mind and you’d rather speak to a peer than a therapist because more than likely most of the population relates — and, it’s cheaper that way. It’s possible that you won’t understand this entry because I’m just blabbering.

I realized that I acquired jadersworld.com over a decade ago and one of my passions had in fact been writing. Come to think of it, fine arts was one of them too… But mostly writing. I moved jadesworld to designladynyc. There wasn’t anything particularly interesting about my thoughts at the time but I understand that I might not exactly be the norm of demographics that people had been used to. It’s not that I’m special or anything, it’s just that I imagined someone would gain incite on the world that surrounded me and I’d have some sort of chronological documentation of my life – a timeline if you will. It allows me to see growth. Or, just help me rant about nonsensical thoughts.

It’s quite unnerving seeing the same angst that consumed me as a teenager being present in me as an adult. I started being hard on myself when I noticed. Then I realized that many of those around me were experiencing the same thing too (even the adults who were of age before I became an adult myself). Are we just children in bigger shoes? Here I am about to blame the past few months on quarter life crisis when I have in fact passed that quarter life checkpoint. I think it’s possible to just never figure things out.

We are probably just here to set goals and make them. To be born and grow old. There’s probably no definition of old. Just a set time for you to expire on this shelf called life and you just need to do the best that you can. You were dealt a deck of cards, not everyone gets the marriage with 2.5 kids, white picket fence and happily ever after.

I can’t help but wonder what my next steps are. What are yours?