…well, that’s the assessment I get from the majority of married circle friends.
It’s an idea divided among people who have that mindset, and with people who absolutely adore their spouses. My belief in the married system was dissuaded in much of college. I took a Marriages and Families class for sociology and while I had been mapping a plan for my future, some of my peers rushed off to get hitched. It was quite cynical—possibly still am. However, how could I be blamed? What I saw around me wasn’t helping.
I have memories of urging my married roommate to get back to the apartment after a night of us partying. Our free drinks bought by men who thought they had a chance because she sat on her left hand hiding the nuptials she had baffled me. Her husband had gone off to another state to prep their lives while she roomed with me to complete her final year. I didn’t think she needed to hide the ring since men were distracted by what, at the time, I called “American Standard of Beauty:” blonde, blue eye, petite (to me, the drinks would come anyway despite the ring). This scenario along with other female friends would occur in the future, most notably one who had to run off to her husband after work avoiding happy hour because she had to “cook for him.” Or when we took trips she would steal away into what led her to an affair and ultimately a divorce.
I have to admit: I had no idea what occurred in those relationships. As usual, I think people should do whatever makes them happy but after constantly hearing from some married friends “don’t get married.” It drew up a discuss. Why would anyone get married if there’s so much to get intertwined and so much to lose?
It has taken me years to write about this because much of my perception of marriage is simply this: patience.
It’ll occur when it feels right.
I’m writing this because it feels right. I’ve reached the age where I feel I could formulate much of my unbiased views on the topic. I’m not as naïve to think that every relationship that continues on to nuptials is perfect. I had often questioned why friends got married when a conversation preceding engagement would have them confused about the status of their relationship. Their faces were often expressions of uncertainty moreover my singleness would be questioned. They seemed to reminisce the times where they had been single with “grass was greener” memories.
To them, I was parading the mindset of free spirit. Nonetheless, I was also the one to a few, who “couldn’t find a man,” with “something obviously wrong with me,” and “didn’t know what she wanted.” Often, I just concluded when I’d lost the intoxication of a prior flame that “love is one hell of a drug.”
I still believe that I did the right thing for me. So, although this is the first time in my life that I believe that I could get married I’m still unchanged and not naïve.
Life happens. People change. Goals vary.
However, no one should ever project “Don’t get married.” It makes people like me think you made a mistake whereas to me, marriage is all about taking a risk.