Start of a bad day, 6:30 AM, I dreaded going to work. However despite that, yesterday was good though for 1/2 of it. My boyfriend brought me roses and a card (it was a pirates of the caribbean theme – he knows I think that Johnny Depp’s a hottie).
Sorry that my roses are wilted this morning, I only got a vase for them from home today :-(.
Then he took me to a Mexican restaurant in Manhattan – although our previous plans were to go elsewhere. We couldn’t go where we wanted to at first because my group needed to stay after regular work hours to complete an assignment :-|. I was very upset. I cried actually, of all days: why Valentines Day.
I am was concerned about the power trips catered by my superiors, well one specifically, because they were aware that I had plans. I have found him to be utterly rude and because of my upbringing, I find it difficult to argue positively without dropping the f bomb – so I keep quiet.
So, anyways – this morning I was riding the subway and I happened to catch a seat next to a woman who had been reading my button. My button reads, “Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich,” and I absolutely loved it ever since I purchased it from a guy who sells them near the Metropolitan Museum. She kept looking at me while I read the book that I am currently reading, “Bone Lake” by Drusilla Campbell, and I noticed her with my peripheral vision.
A few minutes passed and she says, “I love your button, it’s so true”. As usual, I thanked her, giggled. A few minutes passed by and she said before she got off, “Never be afraid to say what you feel.” She got off the Roosevelt Station at 8:55 AM. It made my day.
I’m truly guilty for keeping in things. I noticed that I have been losing my confidence working along with people in corporate America and it saddens me to admit that it’s because of my identity. I am told by The Experienced that it’s difficult to make it because I’m black and female. I never looked at the world in that sense. It’s always been the gray – which is important because gray works very well with Green – isn’t that what Money is? I’ve allowed superiority to diminish my creativity because I didn’t have the statements in the act of rebutting.
I havent lived with my parents for over 5 years and I feel controlled like “a cog in a machine…”
And even today, when I was apologized to, it still felt like it lacked the sincerity that I’d hope to find. However, sincerity in Corporate America can be another topic.
P. S. My day is better today 🙂