On my way here I wondered where Gilbert was. Is he in the clouds? I am on the island of St. Croix, I wish it was for vacation. I didn’t cry on the way here even if I did have some moments when I wanted to. I never really liked coming back to St. Croix for longer than a week. It’s just not the place that I can call home. I surely didn’t regret living here but I don’t ever want to end up living here again, no offense to the cruzans – they are nice. I just have terrible memories here, and this has added another.

I am sleeping in his room tonight. I saw the book that he was reading and I will finish it for him. It’s a book by Daniel Kalla. His scent is still in the room. My sister is too scared to sleep in there. Well, I heard that when people die, they just move on so if spirits talk – it isn’t my brother. I guess it’s kind of weird that I dont seem into religion anymore and that is affecting my grievance. I did ask people to pray, maybe I need to pray also? Tomorrow I will be looking through some of his things, things that he always kept private.

In his room, there’s also an obituary of a friend of his that passed away, he was only 17 (why are all the young men dying?). He plastered it against the wall. Some of his friends will be over tomorrow so we can reflect on his life.

I will keep things posted. I am still not sure if I should post the name of the guy who killed him here.